Dore ibintu 13 abashakanye babanye neza bakora buri munsi

Byanze bikunze interuro ivuga ko ‘gukunda bigoye’ yaguciye mu matwi. Dr Carol Morgan ni inzobere mu bijyanye n’imitekerereze akaba n’umujyanama mu by’inkundo, avuga ko iyo umuntu amubwiye ko kuba mu rukundo bigoye amusubiza ko ‘bitagoye ko ahubwo abari mu rukundo aribo batuma bibagora’.

Nta rukundo rutagira ibigeragezo gusa bamwe mu bakundana ubona bahora bishimye rimwe na rimwe umuntu akaba yavuga ko abo bantu bahiriwe yibeshya ko batagira ibibazo.

Dr Morgan avuga ko ibyishimo hagati y’abakundana by’umwihariko abashakanye ari ikintu cyoroshye kugeraho, agatanga urutonde rw’amayeri 13 atuma abakundana bahora bishimye iyo bayakoresheje buri munsi.

1. Kuvugana no gutegana amatwi

Umuntu wese iyo yumvise kuvugana no gutegana amatwi yumva ari akantu koroshye rimwe na rimwe akaba yagasuzugura. Ariko se ni gute wumva wakundana n’umuntu udashaka kuvugisha?

Muri iyi minsi ingo zisenyuka ziri kwiyongera kandi imwe mu mpamvu zibitera ni uko abantu batavugana, ntibagira umwanya wo gutegana amatwi. Inzobere mu by’inkundo zisaba abashakanye gukoresha neza telephone, na mudasobwa n’irindi koranabuhanga ryose ry’itumanaho bakavugana, kandi buri wese akagira umwanya wo gutega amatwi mugenzi we.

2. Guhozanyaho umutima

Abasore n’abakobwa iyo bateretana isaha ku yindi umunota ku wundi aba ashishikajwe no kumenya ko umukunzi we ameze neza. Iyo abantu bamaze gushakana bikagenda bigabanuka ibyishimo hagati yabo niko bigenda biyoyoka.

Utugambo nka ‘Umeza neza?’ ‘ndi kugutekereza’, ‘Ndagukunda’ iyo utwoherereza umukunzi wawe buri munsi dutuma imitima yanyu ihora isobekeranye mugahora mwishimye.

3. Gufatanya akazi

Inkuru mbi ni uko muri iyi minsi abashakanye baba mu buzima butandukanye n’iyo baba mu nzu imwe. Ugasanga buri umwe ashaka kuba ukwe undi ukwe mu buzima bwe bwite.

Inzobere mu by’inkundo n’umubano zivuga ko abashakanye bakwiye kugira umwanya buri munsi bakagira umurimo bakorera hamwe n’iyo byaba kuri telephone.

4. Gushimira

Iyo igikorwa umwe mu bashakanye agikora buri munsi hari ubwo mugenzi we ageraho akabihindura ibisanzwe, ariko ukuri ni uko akwiye guhora agishimirwa kuko kamere ya muntu ikoze mu buryo inezezwa no gushimwa.

N’iyo cyaba ari igikorwa gikorwa buri munsi nko guteka no gutegura amezano gusasa. Kubwira umukunzi wawe uti ‘Cherie/cheri mwakoze guteka, biraryoshye’. Iyi ni interuro itagufata amasegonda ariko ifite ubushobozi bwo kurema ibyishimo mu bashakanye.

5. Kubwirana ibyiza umwe abona kuri mugenzi we

Abashakanye hari ubwo barangara akazashiduka asigaye ambwira umukunzi we ibitagenda gusa. Ibi bibishya urukundo rwanyu ibyishimo mu rugo rwanyu bikabura.

Amagambo nka ‘urasa neza’, ‘uri mwiza’, ‘uteye neza’ byaba ngombwa ugatera indi ntambwe ukanamushimira ibyo yitangira ukaba wamubwira uti ‘Cheri(e) nezezwa n’uko uduhihibikanira’ azana umunezero mu bashakanye.

6. Gushyira icyo ashaka imbere y’icyo ushaka

Mu Isi y’ubu abantu babayeho mu kwikunda, kwishyira imbere no kwibona. Mpereza kiriya, ngirira utya, mu mubano w’abashakanye ibi ntibikora, iyo bikozwe byirukana ibyishimo.

7. Gushishikazwa n’icyatuma uwo mwashakanye yirirwa neza

Aho kubyuka wirebaho, ukwiye kubyuka ukora iyo bwabaga ngo umukunzi wawe aze kwirirwa neza. Dr Morgan avuga ko iyi ngingo ayikesha Dr. Phil.

Dr Phil avuga ko abyuka buri munsi akora ikintu kiratuma umugore we Robin yirirwa neza. Robin yemeza ko ariko Dr Phil abigenza.

Agira ati ‘Iyo dushishikajwe no kugirira neza uwo twashakanye, birikora nawe akadukorera ibyiza’.

8. Kubabarirana

Abashakanye bishimye ntabwo babiterwa n’uko buri umwe ari umwere, ari intungane, ahubwo ibyishimo byabo babikesha ibanga ry’uko bamenye ko bombi atari ba miseke igoroye bakababarirana.

9. Guteretana/kubwirana imitoma

Abashakanye bakomeza kubwirana amagambo y’urukundo ntabwo ari benshi, kandi abo bake bakomeza kuyabwirana nibo bake bahora bishimye.

Iyo nyuma yo gushyingiranwa muhagaritse kongera kubwirana imitoma urukundo rwanyu ruracuyuka, rugatakaza ubuzima rukazapfa. Nta byishimo bishoboka hagati y’abashakanye igihe urukundo rwabo rwapfuye.

10. Gukoranaho

Abashakanye bahora bishimye nubacunga uzasanga bajya bakoranaho bitagamije imibonano mpuzabitsina, nubwo gukoranaho bigamije imibonano mpuzabitsina ntabwo atari bibi.

Udukorwa nko ‘gufatana mu biganza’, guhoberana, no gusomana, na byo ni ingenzi mu bashakanye.

11. Kuryamira rimwe

Akenshi biragorana ko abashakanye baryamira rimwe kuko hari ubwo umwe aba aryama kare nk’inkoko y’umweru undi akunda gutaramira mu gusoma ibitabo no kureba amakuru, imikino na filime kuri televiziyo.

Gusa inzobere mu by’inkundo zivuga ko iyo mubishoboye mukajya mujya kuryamira rimwe, mukanaganira igihe mutarasinzira biri mu bituma urukundo n’umubano wanyu bibaryohera.

12. Gushyigikirana

Abashakanye baba bariyahe intego y’ibyo bashaka kuzageraho mu gihe runaka bakanafatanya kugira ngo ibyo bifuza bizagerweho iyo bitagezweho, ntabwo mukwiye kwitana bamwana ahubwo mukwiye gukomeza gushyigikirana no gukomezanya aho gukwenana.

13. Kwishimana no gusetsanya

Wenda ntabwo bihita byumvikana neza iyo umuntu avuze gusetsanya kuko guseka ubusa ari ubupfapfa, kandi nibyo abashakanye ntabwo bakwiye guseka ubusa.

Abashakakanye bahora bishimiranye bagira igihe bagatemberera ahantu bagamije kurema ibyishimo hagati yabo, cyangwa ugasanga bicaranye bareba filime. Inzobere mu by’inkundo zivuga ko n’iyo mwaba mufite ibibazo mu rugo biba byiza iyo mushatse ikintu cyarema ibyishimo hagati yanyu kandi ngo birahari byinshi.

Inama

Ntabwo bigoye kurema ibyishimo hagati yawe n’uwo mwashakanye. Dr Carlor Morgan avuga ko izi ngingo 13 uko yazitanze zikora. Ati ‘ahasigaye ni ahanyu mugende mureme ibyishimo mu ngo zanyu guhera uyu munsi’.

Madamu Ingabire Victoire, umunyapolitiki utavuga rumwe n’ubutegetsi buriho mu Rwanda abwije ukuri Inteko, avuga n’aho abona u Rwanda rugeze muri Demokarasi n’amanota yaruha:





Tanga igitekerezo kuri iyi nkuru



Igitekerezo